We have many wonderful memories. My husband was in the military and we would try each year to go to the Marine Corps Ball. I loved seeing him in his uniform. I was also so very proud of him. Being that he was military we were blessed that he was able to be at the births for our children. So many military husbands miss those moments. I remember we also had date nights on the weekends. We didn’t have a lot of money since my husband was enlisted and a Lance Corporal. So our date nights would consist of us pulling the sofa mattress out and throwing it on the living room floor. We would rent a VHS from the exchange or movie rental place, put the kids in bed and just have him and I time. We would take the children to the parks or meet for lunch at the docks and stick our feet in the water. We still try and find the time to be together both as a family and as a married couple. We now have been blessed through adoption with more children and also have some foster children so our time together is precious.
While I have those wonderful memories to cherish we also had times that were hard. Like all marriages you have good times and bad. There can come a time that the bad times may seem to cause a separation in your marriage. I am not talking about the legal separation and you living apart type. I am talking about communication. Yep…..That word. Communication….! What does it mean to a marriage?
Communication is such an important part of being connected as a husband and wife. Yes you have intimacy and good memories and love. However, if you do not have communication you will soon find you and your husband will feel disconnected from each other. When you are going through good times you may find it easier to communicate. When times are rough you may find that the communication is not so easy.
My husband and I went through some of those not so good times. We were losing our connection and communication was less and less. I was going to a church that had a ladies Bible study that met once a week. They often would talk about marriage and ways to encourage your husband. I got to a point when I didn’t even want to hear it. I didn’t want to encourage him…I mean really…he wasn’t encouraging me. I was thinking and being selfish. I was thinking about the things he needed to do to change an ignoring where I had things that I needed to change or do. I was missing what we really needed. We needed to pray together. We needed to communicate.
My husband had just gotten back from a deployment and the military had passed out some fliers about a marriage retreat. I think God had led me to the ladies Bible study and through that my heart and head knew my husband and I needed help. So…I signed us up. It was for 3 days and one of the rules were you were not allowed to use the TV in your room. Hmmm…. For a couple that had not been communicating well that seemed like it was going to be a long weekend. Fortunately they gave us a tool to help us to relearn to listen and talk to each other. They told us that yes we may be talking to each other but are we listening? I mean really listening! Also how do we know the other person is paying attention or interested? You know how that can be…you say something and your husband just kind of says yea at the appropriate time but doesn’t really seem to be paying attention. Maybe you even do this to your husband at times.
They told us to get “Knee to Knee”. Knee to Knee? What was that going to do? But Wow! I can only tell you that getting knee to knee was such a wonderful idea. When you are knee to knee you are also hands in hands. You are looking face to face, eye to eye. You turn off TV’s, phones, or any other distractions and you just pull your chairs up close and sit knee to knee. You really will be amazed at how much it helps in communication. It gives you not only the chance to talk but being Knee to Knee brings back the closeness. It tends to keep emotions calmer. You can see that he is looking at you and listening. It gives you a chance to really listen to him. When you are going through a hard time it is easy to see where the other needs to change. It is easy to see what your needs are that they are missing. It isn’t always as easy to see what you need to be doing or what your husband’s needs are. He may just need a chance to tell you and felt you were not listening to him. In James 1:19 we are told to be swift to hear. I was at times swifter to speak. I was speaking when I should have been hearing. We are also told to be slow to speak and slow to wrath. When we listen and stay calm we allow ourselves the chance to digest what our husband is saying without speculation or flying off the handle and thinking through what is truly being said or what the meaning of what is being said.
James 1:19 - Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
Now you may not need or have the time to get knee to knee daily but I do think that you should try to at least once a week. More often if you are going through a tough time. You may find when going through particularly rough times you may need to get knee to knee for every conversation for a bit. It doesn’t have to be for a long time. Just the time you and your husband feel you need to talk and communicate. It’s a chance to tell each other the important things you don’t feel the other may hear in a normal conversation. It is a chance to hold hands, gaze in each other’s eyes, and let the other know that they mean everything to you and they have all your attention. End your knee to knee with praying together. Pray for each other… pray for your marriage…pray for anything you just talked about...and pray for God to open back up your hearts to communicating with each other.
I hope you and your husband get “Knee to Knee” tonight. Try it and see if it doesn’t open up a new line of communication. Give your husband and your marriage that “Knee to Knee” time.
If you want to stay up to date Subscribe to our Mailing List or follow us on Facebook.